Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
