People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I could make wine with my vomit
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
