you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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