so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
