i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
