I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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