is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
