i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
