You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
