so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
