i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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