when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
