yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
