Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there's paper in my vomit.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
