it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
