just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
