no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
