she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
