There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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