wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
