You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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