This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
