My hand turned me down
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
