There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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