I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
