Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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