you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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