I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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