I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
