I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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