..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
