There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
