Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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