Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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