My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
