are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
