went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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