I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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