I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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