i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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