remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Boobs speak an international language.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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