We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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