Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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