found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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