he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
