we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
