I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
