ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
