I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize