Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
