she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
