Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Enjoy the penises
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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