Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
