sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
