Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
