just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
