I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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