don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
