Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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