Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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