I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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