You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
