hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize