Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
