i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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