i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
