well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
